Tinder profil

Did you know Lavalife is still going?

2020.11.26 04:58 candleflame3 Did you know Lavalife is still going?

I was surfing LinkedIn and came across a profile of someone who worked at Lavalife years ago. That's what reminded me of it. So I googled and there it was!
In these days of Tinder and whatever else, WHO is on Lavalife? WHO is PAYING for it?
Looks like it has "phone dating" too!
Let's all join and pretend it's still 2003 and the pandemic never happened and you still have a shot at home ownership.
submitted by candleflame3 to onguardforthee [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 04:28 blaisianboythrowaway I have no idea if I’m shadow banned or just ugly

I made a new tinder account last week after deleting my last one 8 months ago and have been getting no success. When I last had tinder, I put 0 effort into my photos/bio but was still somewhat successful. On my new account I put effort into my pics, made a better bio, and haven’t right swiped everyone on the stack. Despite all this, I have gotten 2 matches and 8 likes in the past week and only 1 of those likes in the past 3 days.
I bought tinder gold with a sale and have been using all of my daily super likes but neither of my matches are from them and it seems like nothing will help my account. I got a profile review on the tinder sub and got comments saying my profile was a 9/10 so I’m just confused
I can link my account here if need be but any advice would be appreciated!
submitted by blaisianboythrowaway to SwipeHelper [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 04:09 CreativeCoyote3749 Breeders

Anyone else find it weird when people post pictures of their crotch goblins on their DATING PROFILE(specifically tinder). Is it frowned upon? Because I’d sure hope so 😩
submitted by CreativeCoyote3749 to childfree [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 02:29 lostoompa [OFFER] $3 Phone Verification USA Number NonVOIP. VERIFIED Trusted Seller. Venmo or Paypal

>>>VERIFIED Trusted Seller Since May 2016<<<

$5 for Tinder & Twitter. $3 for all other sites. Venmo or Paypal via family/friends only. LMK what site you need verification for.
SOLD OUT for GoogleVoice, Gmail
Ready? Send me a message. I don't use chat. Make sure you've read this entire post before messaging me. If it sounds like you haven't, I won't respond.
 
Price is firm. Payment must be sent first.
 
Reputation
Over 90 Customer Reviews for /phoneverification
Over 200 Confirmed Trades over at /giftcardexchange
 
Refund Policy
There is NO REFUND once you receive your verification code. If you've been banned, trying to circumvent TOS or similar and they're still able to track you even with a new number, that's a problem on your end. You will have to pay for each additional number you want to try and if you need to use the same number more than once.
submitted by lostoompa to phoneverification [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 02:21 awokepsl Female friends help each other, male friends compete

Women when they're hanging out at the bar, or some party/public location take pictures of each other and show off their best angles, and take 100s a night, and pick the best ones for their dating profiles. Groups of girls are encouraging their friends always to go on Tinder, and find a hot guy to fuck, and consider it sexual freedom.
Men on the other hand will tell other men that Tinder sucks, and the only way to meet women is in person. Men won't take pictures for each other, and if they do they'll take 2 bad pictures. Guys who have a good social media and dating app presence have so many more chances to be seen by women, and if you have a good profile, you'll be in the top 90% of dating profiles, given you're at least a 6/7 in face and body, and perceived coolness/interestingness. Especially in the times of Covid, where so many people aren't wanting a stranger to enter their personal space and talk to them for prolonged periods of time, having good dating profile pictures will get you SOOO much more attention, yet so many guys try to keep other guys from getting laid, because of crab bucket mentality, yet this doesn't apply to women, who even the ugliest and uninteresting can find a man willing to dick her down. Some beta males will hampster away, thinking that they need to have a good life and a house first, when they don't realize that that's the beta male genetic destiny, to get a house to provide for a woman in order to have access to sex. Game means you're always striving for seduction, no matter where you are in life. Some guys have created the minimum that they need to get attention and fuck women while they still live at their parents, while these same women try to tell men they need to "man up" before they'll have a chance with them, and get their finances together and have a nice car.

To summarize, as a man, you are on your own to increase your SMV. Other men will always want you to fail, unless they have a financial incentive for you to succeed. Don't rely on finances to attract women. You can attract a lot of women as a starving artist if you're somewhat attractive and have a social media presence and/or a good dating profile. You effectively have a higher SMV and more preselection than someone who lives off the grid and relies on "shitting where they eat" to get women. Having a good dating profile and social media equals automatic preselection.
submitted by awokepsl to asktrp [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 01:54 Thick_Tie_1159 Is it normal to want to have a slutty phase?

I have been with my partner since I was in High School. I have been with a few other people but it feels so long ago. I feel like I want to experience a real hoe-bag phase. (Like I just want to create a Tinder profile with the caption dtf lol.)
Is this normal? If you have experienced a slutty phase of life as an adult is it easier to be loyal or do you always just think about other people?
submitted by Thick_Tie_1159 to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 00:26 KennyOmegaXMan I'm a [31M] who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life. What can I do to change that?

I happen to be a 31-year-old man who's never had any romantic relationship in my entire life I recently turned 31 this September. At times I feel hopeless that I will ever have a relationship with a woman, and fantasize about how it would be. And getting older doesn't help as I fear that I would be more ostracized the older I get without any history of a relationship.
Here's some back story about my personal self: I'm from Massachusetts and lived here all my life near the Rhode Island border. I guess I'm labeled a nerd because that what I've been called since I grew up with video games and nerd culture. I do go to conventions like PAX East and Comic-Con here. I went alone for the first time ever in recent years and cosplayed fully as a video game character Snake from Metal Gear. And it was a different experience. So I'm not afraid of trying things as I have aged as I would have never gone alone up to Boston to an event like that prior with anxieties I have faced. I don't talk with people openly about this and keep it to myself so I have to get it out. So this may be a lot to read and I understand that.
I'm also a smaller person in stature with being skinny growing up so I was teased by family about that. So I did join the gym in 2018 at my school but was never so serious about it. And didn't have much help to learn things and need that reassurance I'm doing it right. And recently I signed up for an actual gym and will be using a trainer.
Back in my childhood, I was always the "quiet" one. Not by choice. I was always assigned that title so I kept quiet. I still get called that and not sure why as this is the way I am. I'm not sure if it could have been to the way I was raised as I didn't go out really and my parents weren't so good and abusive. My dad was physically abusive to my mom and brother, as his dad was brutal to him in Portugal. So I was always nervous and still am to an extent. My mom has an addiction issue with gambling and really messed up my path as she would steal the money I worked for to fund her habits for many years. So I am set back compared to others my age but finally reaching my success with my career only starting last year in the IT field. But either way, my parents made me insecure about my feelings and I always kept to myself with fears of being judged and they were in control of my life up until my 20s. I don't talk with them really at this point as it's hard to put past what they have caused me to be stuck.
I didn't get help for any of this until 2016 as I did a post on Reddit for help and therapy was recommended. I've come so far with going back to school, driving on highways, and so many smaller things that affected me not being able to do. I've even brought in my own mother to therapy but she still never fully apologized and even denied any wrongdoing she did. But I'm fine that I just want my personal life to flourish. I've been with female therapists since then for a total of two different ones. I had to leave my first for insurance issues after going for a year. The other I decided to switch as I was going to her since 2017 up until early this year and felt no progress was made with my issue with never having a relationship. And it is more of a male issue that I am a man looking for a woman. So a different experience and mostly better to have a male therapist's point of view for this.
I know very few people personally as I only hang out with close cousins. Most of the others I only talk online with but never had friends I went out with regularly since they don't seem to do anything. So I never went out much and I don't drink alcohol or smoke weed. So it's tough knowing where to find anyone in these current times but it won't even matter if there was no virus. I'd still be stuck here in this spot even without the virus.
Onto my dating life, I've only dated one woman very shortly, about a month just last year. She was the first and only person I dated and it happened in September right when I turned 30. We met off Hinge, the dating app. She happened to message me first with a Hi and my name! She was really into me with the conversation and I was super surprised as I don't have that experience with my time with dating apps. She wasn't exactly a nerdy type also. Anyway, we agreed to meet for a coffee date after about 2 weeks of talking in Providence. I was very nervous as this was going to be my first date ever at 30. I dressed as fancy as I could and she did compliment that. I was pacing for some time as I was so nervous as I awaited her to arrive. And she finally arrived and gave each other a quick hug which made the nervousness tone down. Things went great and we talked for hours despite this being foreign to me. She was awkward at times so I didn't think much of it. Then we said our goodbyes and hugged each other. I was so happy I finally had my first date ever, it was unreal and I remember it so much. I did text her right when I got home as a follow-up and she agreed and liked that it was good. I was even more surprised as I thought I was bad since I had no reference for dating till then.
We agreed to meet again after seeing the pumpkin carvings at the local zoo during October and an impromptu dinner as she texted me if I wanted to get food right about leaving. That’s how inexperienced I am not asking for dinner after that date. It was all amazing to me that these kinds of things were happening, going out with someone, and having dinner. It was something that was so unreal to me. I offered to pay also and she was greatly appreciative of the night as she wanted to cover herself.
So this is where things started to change and finding out more about her. We were planning to meet once again during the week after work. We were texting about it in the AM and she stopped replying. But when it was the end of my workday she finally got back to me saying she passed out at an appointment and got a concussion. So I didn't assume I was going to meet up that night at all so I went home. We texted more later and she became erratic because I didn't come to see her like at almost midnight during a workweek. She became more and more upset. She was giving me an ultimatum to either visit her or whatever was happening between us would end. She became more and more upset. Then she was calling me as we never talked over the phone and she was absolutely terrible to me, swearing at me, telling me I was stupid, and so on, and she told me where to go for nothing I did wrong.
She wasn't the same person I met on the dates we had. It made me so upset I was taking this all in from her call and I never said anything bad to her. She was absolutely a wreck and I tried telling her I'm not sure why she was acting that way. So she hung up after screaming at me. Then again she was texting me to come to her address which she gave thought text or it was over. So at this point, it would have been foolish since it's already midnight and she lashed out at me and still wants me to come to visit her after her concussion. So she called one again and it made me so sad that the only woman so far to give me a chance was treating me like shit. I then told her what would my therapist think of you as I mentioned her to my therapist since dating is something that is focused on during sessions. I opened up about me never having a partner and she was my first date ever and I don't know why she's acting this way and it hurt me.
I guess I calmed her down enough and she wasn't so bad to me. She opened up about herself and she said the concussion caused her to act that way. My therapist later didn't agree and said she saw many red flags with her. Well, we talked into the AM over the phone that night as she told me that she suffers from a rare illness called EDS, and from that illness she has 30 other diseases. I couldn't believe it since you can't see it by looking at her. She told me she is always sick going to appointments and needs major surgery often and she soon was going soon a few weeks later to major neck fusion. I felt for her but still, I didn't think how she treated me was right over the phone that night. So the following day I stopped replying to her.
The following day she was texting me and was worried about me and was thinking I ghosted her but that's something I don't do. I had a therapy session that day I talked to my therapist about it. She did say again that there were many red flags and it was sad that she’s a very ill person and it was my personal choice if I continued talking with her after that. She actually called me during my session and left an apology voicemail for her behavior. And said she regrets acting that way and adored me so far and wanted to continue dating. And text replies mentioning that. So I did reply talking about how my therapist said to set boundaries as that behavior was no healthy and unwanted. She was still kind of upset I brought her up during therapy and texted me her medical papers that yes she wasn't lying about her illness.
Later that week we did agree to meet for dinner and a movie at the mall in Providence. I came early and there was a miscommunication and she was waiting elsewhere in the mall for me and once again her attitude started changing in the texts. I found her and she wasn't seeming to me that she wasn't happy at all based on her face. And she did have that concussion earlier in the week. We sat down for dinner and I wasn't sure how to approach her being as I was afraid she was going to lash out in public and I'm nervous when someone starts shouting at me and it shuts me down. So I barely was saying anything to her at all. Since I didn't know what she was going to do if I said the wrong thing. So after a while, she became upset and was saying this is awkward us not talking and saying I have communication issues. And I don't listen to her and her ex was the same was and they went to couple’s therapy and called me an INFJ over and over. And she got up off her chair and was thinking to just go home after that and I said you are welcome to. I wasn't putting any argument as I'm not the type of person to fight. So she didn't eat her food at all and ended up throwing it out as the mall was closing and the movie was almost starting. So she offered to just watch the movie and we'll talk about what happened another time. So we did watch a terrible movie name JEXI which I had no interest in. She offered to pay for the movie and popcorn as I did for her in the past. I still wasn't talking much with her during the movie as I was afraid if she will lash out. But watching a movie with her was another huge accomplishment as I never did that with a woman as a date.
So this is where more things got interesting. So after the movie, we were leaving and down the escalator, there was an old man that happened to fall down it and his leg was bleeding all over the floor. People were just gathering, and one called 911 for help. She then ran down the escalator to the scene to assist with him. She took her sweater off her back to make a tourniquet for him. She happened to have first aid classes. She didn't want to leave until he was gone by paramedics. She seemed super panicky and I didn't know what to do at that point. I offered her my coat as she only had a tank under her sweater and she declined. We finally walked away when the man was rolled away and there was a large pool of blood near him. So on the way she was super lost and saying she was about to have a panic attack so I gave her a hug to calm her down and she said: "thank you". I walked her to her car in the big parking garage and there was a car driving behind me and she pulled me in as she was afraid I was going to get hit. I was saying it was amazing to see what she did with the man as a hero like that and she told me that sweater had sentimental value and it went to better use to help him.
So on the way to her car, I asked from the help of online prior to what I should do at this point of dates, I said "may I kiss you?" She took off her glasses and she leaned her back against her car as she has balance issues with her spine surgeries. And we pulled each other in and we then made out. It was so super unreal. I felt like I was dreaming. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. I was so into it and super passionate about it. We would kiss and she would bite my lower lip and pull away and look into each other's eyes and do it again. It was something out of a movie. I was caressing her body, her hair, and from her illness, I believe it was her vertebrae was dislocating as her neck in the upwards position. She was in a bit of pain and I was apologizing if I was causing it as I was so into our kiss, my first kiss. She didn't mind and were giving each other neck kisses after and I was saying things into her ear that got her really turned on. She then started digging her nails into my back and pushing her lower body into mines. This all happened while cars were passing but I didn't care we were making out in public at this point in my life. After the kiss we held each other saying nothing, it was so peaceful, she then opened up how she has an aneurism in her heart and it can burst anytime and that's how her mother passed. I felt so bad for her and kept on consoling her with caressing her. I then went home a new man after the kiss as I didn't think it finally actually happened at 30. We texted after and talked about the night and how I enjoyed the kiss and she did for someone with no experience like myself in that. Even the next day I couldn't believe it happened.
Over time we texted and at times she was flipping a switch with her personality. I wasn't sure what to do as she a very ill person and at times didn’t want to talk and still wanted to and said I have communication issues. She was going into surgery the final week I met her for ice cream. She was very scared of going into a life-threatening surgery and I could see it that night. She wasn't mean to me in person that night and we talked for a few hours into the night in the parking lot. I didn't know much what to say to her since she wanted to say goodbye the next day before she left for NY for surgery. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye as we didn't meet the following day. I didn't get to kiss her again that night either as she said she doesn't like PDA when there are people around as there was to people in their car right near us. So we hugged goodbye.
The reason I didn't meet to say a final goodbye before surgery was that she was busy preparing to go and I didn't text her till later in that day and again she was super upset and saying she wasn't going to talk with me and yet she still did. I wished her the best of luck and sent good thoughts as she left. In between then and her coming back I never seen her since last October. Her surgery didn't succeed sadly and she's pretty much disabled now and needs to revise it if possible. I still text with her till this day more of a pen pal. I never asked her if it ended but I was ready to move on as I shouldn't have to have one choice of a person to date and the way things played out. I needed more experiences dating and that's where I am now. But I am grateful she gave me my first dates ever and my first and only kiss, it was more than a peck being a makeout.
All I know are dating apps and I even got photos done for them by a photographer who dating photography. It's the same pics I used when that only woman I dated messaged me. But since then I have not had any success or interest from anyone else. I barely get matches if I am lucky. And I'm on all apps and have subscriptions to Match, Tinder and OkCupid. I try to reach out on the apps that allow to message first and even then I barely get a match after so many sent out. I waste more time and get little to no results. Only one woman back in February agreed to meet for coffee and she wasn't interested after the date. It was a short date too and I'm assuming she wasn't as interested in person versus how she seemed on the app of Facebook dating. So since then, it's been pretty frustrating with the no results.
I've gotten putting so much time and money into it. Only to get nothing much of it. I have a snapshot of my photos I use and bio now off Tinder and I just use the same for all the other apps. Some on here have trashed me for getting a photographer and saying the photos aren't genuine. But I put my trust in the photographer as he is a professional. Others have criticized my appearance and nerdy type. So I'm not sure what else to do as it's mixed responses on my profile as some also say all is good yet I don't have results.
So know I don't know what to do next as with the virus we can't exactly meet people and that was something I wanted to work on this year to go to events to meet people that way. I've done geek speed dating way back in 2018 only to get a blank piece of paper. I tried going to a cosplay meet up at a bar and arcade here and nothing much occurred from them last year. Anything like that isn't happening anytime soon so I only have dating apps or maybe there are ways I still can get something rolling in person? So I am asking for advice or any help to get something that I truly desire a relationship. It hurts at times as so many people have had many at my age and I'm only looking for one to get those experiences in life. My brother and a cousin as examples are just generally terrible and have been abusive to their partners and are wreckless in general and have had many partners. And I don't know how to even be that way and I feel hopeless that I will never experience love as I age older. I was always the outsider growing up and still am. Do I get photos redone by another photographer? Do I try to hire a relationship or dating coach to help? I don't want to give up but it's very depressing that I can't seem to figure out what's wrong and why I can't achieve this. I greatly appreciate any help and thank you very much if you read all this. Thank you.
tl;dr: I'm a 31-year-old man who's never had any relationship in my entire life and I recently turned 31 this September. I only dated one woman shortly off a dating app last year and had my first and only kiss. I am grateful for that experience but really want a relationship with me getting older. And it hurts at times knowing this and unless you were in my position you would know how it feels. I don't know what to do now I am still stuck and can't seem to get any interest off dating apps despite taking photos by a dating photographer. Message me if you want a snapshot of my profile.
submitted by KennyOmegaXMan to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 23:57 Gullible-Pay3732 face recognition of tinder

Hi everyone,
I have been using tinder for quite some time now and I've come to the conclusion that I'm probably shadowbanned and therefore I will try to set up a new account. I'm not here to discuss whether I am really shadowbanned, but I think there still might be an issue for me in order to set up a completely fresh account.
I know tinder uses face recognition to verify people, but does tinder also use face recognition on our regular tinder pictures to identify who we are, and thereby preventing us from circumventing a possible ban/shadowban? As we don't have any direct way of knowing this, I am addressing this question to people who have succeeded in setting up an entirely new profile after they were banned/shadowbanned.
As an additional question, I really don't understand how there can be so many bots on tinder. Like how are these bots generated anyway? Tinder puts an enormous amount of effort into keeping bad users out and making sure they don't just make a new account, but how is it then possible that so many fake accounts can be generated?
submitted by Gullible-Pay3732 to SwipeHelper [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 23:36 nturdy Are men on Tinder just swipe right mindlessly ?

Asian man here,I have been on Tinder for half a year now and only got around 20 likes and I believe half of them were bots.
I was started to wonder whether that’s because many men in my area are super handsome or I got a really shitty profile,so I decided to make kind of reconnaissance of my competitors to see how they arrange their photos,bios etc.
Thus I switched my preference to show me men only.I checked some of them by left swiping for 2 minutes then immediately turned the preference back.
After that all the sudden there were 5 new likes for me,needless to say they were all men (I checked).
Now I’m wondering since I put straight man on my profile,does that mean all these 5 gentlemen were just mindless swiping right or what.
submitted by nturdy to Tinder [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 22:01 b_e_powers [MF] "otp"

The freeze in the TikTok feed jarred by the incoming call slowly registers through my numbed retinas. I don't remember where or when the feed began -- honestly, I don't remember lying down in bed. For a split second between transitioning screens, before the incoming Constellation ringtone breaks the hard-earned stillness of my room, I wonder what force could possess the strength to shatter my box of mirrors. Box of mirrors feels inadequate, though, as I see nothing resembling my form between scrolls. Well, I don't think I have.
The evidence I'm on Tik Tok and wasn't pushing hours ten, eleven, and twelve of sleep, is found in a mosaic of videos I drop in various group chats when I don't want to contribute words but desire to make my presence known. Mostly recipes I'll never make and compilations of dogs before and after they're called a "good boy," with the occasional dancing influencer jock in a Netflix YA dramedy, who I later find out moonlights as an actual high school sophomore.
Without the saved collection, I'm incapable of recalling much of anything I consume during these scrolls-to-oblivion. At least these lapses breathe some honesty into the daily call-and-receive ritual I conduct with the parents, where they eagerly ask, "Any plans for the rest of summer break?" and I reply, eyes dilating in sync with the gaping breadth of the void, "Not really."
The involuntary transformation, mid-scroll, from the white family of four humble-flexing their McMansion on top of a Jersey-club beat to the anonymous yet affronting call screen upsets my scroll-induced serotonin drip. No name, just a number calmly presenting itself at the top of the screen. I sigh through my teeth and move towards pressing red, but something about the area code makes me pause, even as the pull of the TikTok feed screams at me for attention.
For the first time since waking up, I roll onto my back and disrupt my eternal content-consuming position. I press the green dot and pull the phone to my ear as I stare beyond the ceiling fan. From my starchy mouth and dry tongue stumbles out: "mmph hello?"
"Hey Katie! It's Gabe, just calling to see if we're still good to meet up at the botanic garden at four".
Oh, shit. Gabe, botanic garden, 4:00 PM, vaguely familiar number… the swipe right, and the harmlessly seductive late-night messages -- then texts -- from forty-eight hours ago that set this all up. Fuck it, I'm on the spot now. I clear my throat and commit:
"Hey! Gabe! Yeah! Of course I'm still down. Meet you at the entrance pavilion near the map stand?" Jesus, I sound stupid.
"Alright, sounds good. See you in an hour."
"Yeah, see you soon."
The call disconnects and I exhale. "Fuck," I mutter under my breath.
I tap my phone's screen, and the time 3:05 PM glows down at me. Best case scenario, I'm only ten minutes late.
I slowly roll over onto my right side when FaceID unlocks the phone. A video begins of some teens calling an obese bike cop dummy thicc, and it pushes me across the event horizon and once more into the scroll's black hole. Each video's auto-start drags me further into the abyss: I am no longer conscious of the consumed content as the sounds and images change with each flick of the thumb. I don't feel the box of mirrors constrict, but my user-behavior will direct the algorithm to only feed me clips with the same slowed + reverb music, docile suburban setting, and white teens with golden retrievers.
Through the assault of content, I'm unable to shake the imminence of Gabe's phone call. The vibe is ruined. Ten minutes after our call and for the first time today, my legs slide out from under the comforter and hang over the bed.
Phone in hand, I beeline for the bathroom and start to assess my image rehabilitation. There's no time for a shower and its hair-induced labor, so I select the Deluxe Edition of "Running Late for 8:00 AM Sociology of Religion" Morning Routine. I brush my teeth, spray on dry shampoo then perfume, and throw on a sundress. I apply tinted sunscreen and mascara, coronating myself with aesthetic plausible deniability.
The bathroom door trails shut behind me as I grab my bag and head for the stairs, catching myself smoothing out the wrinkles in the dress. As I descend, two steps at a time, the resentment held to the interrupting phone call slowly becomes reluctant. This date, this guy, could break a month's worth of boredom.
As I turn the corner, the phrase "increasing deductible" burrows into my ear. I spy my parents' sanity under siege in the dining room from tri-folded bills and coffee-stained printer paper. Not even the summertime weekend wear can hold together their composed impression, for the cemented strained expressions, laptop chargers, and my Dad's pitted undershirt betray the length at which they've been reconciling finances. As I move along the table and towards the door, they look up from their screens, which are oriented at just the right angle for one to correct the other's QuickBooks input. We lock eyes, and I expect to fall victim to the usual inquisition, but it's just a passing moment. Mom and Dad blink and go back to Aetna as I open the door. I call out to the void for them to lock it as I step out into the sun, a little disappointed that they didn't show any interest in where I was off to.
The early afternoon's dead summer heat has yet to subside. My makeup's protective barrier slips away with each step closer to the garden, as realized by a sweat-check dab to my upper lip. I minimize all facial movements to disrupt my aesthetic as little as possible, but it's an exercise in futility. Heraclitus got it wrong: the only constant in life is decay.
I reach a stride and feel the selective sense of tranquility that arises when thinking about nothing: when the mind's sole purpose returns to processing the photos captured through your retinas. I think I see a dahlia in the parkway when -- DING -- a notification alert slices through the humming Midwest suburb. Thinking that it's Gabe telling me he's canceling, I draw the phone from my bag quicker than I unholster my tactical repression while flirting at a party. It takes a moment for the screen's auto-brightness to catch up with the sun's glare, but the grease and sweat covered glass slowly gets bright enough to reveal the availability of my weekly Screen Time Report. A loud exhale flares out of my nostrils as I silently curse Apple for inducing hyperhidrosis. I tap again to check the figures: "Your screen time was down 2% last week, for an average of 11 hours, 46 minutes a day." Jesus. Well, might as well make it even. I swipe the notification away and open Tinder to review the matches that came in last night. The desperate, dirty midnight dregs.
I'm wearily putting my phone away as I notice the humble opening to the botanic garden's entrance pathway: a gap in a hedge-wall with two stone engravings on either side, one of which reads "Welcome to the Lake County Botanic Garden," and the other, "A Generous Gift of ExxonMobil and the Tillerson Foundation." The hypocrisy makes me cringe harder than Snapchat HBO Max ads, the ones that ruin banger songs by association and blast taglines like "We're feeling all the vibes." Forming that realization prompts me to open Snapchat, and give myself one last lookover before the pathway's hedges swallow me whole. There's a sliding bead of sweat on my temple, but I look fresher than I feel. I check the time, and it reads 4:03. Ah, nice. Feeling good, I plunge into the garden.
From the pathway, I emerge onto the Sackler Family Entrance Pavilion and cast my eyes over the few bodies that hold water bottles and lean up against strollers, chatting away. On the other side of the rubber-tiled pavilion, leaning up against the map stand with his hands behind his back, I spy the person I hope to be Gabe.
We meet each other's eyes with the acknowledgment of a read receipt. As I walk towards him and he straightens up to receive me, I silently pride myself in choosing a date who is both above-average in looks and below the standard deviation of online profile deception. Average enough in height, dress, and build to be non-threatening, but with an air about him that reassured me this date would not be a waste of time. A theater kid who works out.
He gracefully pushes himself off the map stand while I exhale and let out a sharp "Hey."
"Hey, Katie. Sunflowers for the occasion I see." He's staring at my dress, grinning.
What? Feeling all sorts of annoyed, I look down and scowl. I am on a date, at a botanical garden, wearing a sunflower sundress. I recover.
"Haha, oh yeah."
"You look very nice."
"Thanks." I smile.
He has a smoothness to his voice that makes me feel at ease but is also lacking in the usual emotions of the first encounter on a first date-- nervousness, excitement, sexual tension.
"Do you come here often?"
"No," he replies, "But Google suggests that this is the nicest walk for us to go on within a 30 minute and 10-mile radius."
I pause, waiting for him to ask if I'd been here before or if I lived close by. Instead, Gabe blinks twice before smiling and asks, "Are you in school?"
"Yea. I head back in three weeks. My Dad is driving me and we're stopping on the way to visit my aunt. We've been doing this for the past three years."
I haven't even finished the word "years" when he cuts in -- more forcedly than graceful -- with, "How do you feel about going back?"
We're still standing at the entrance to the gardens, our immobility awkward next to the rest of the visitors walking by us, setting off for the trails. Hoping to set us on our way, I opt for an obfuscated response that conceals my annoyance at being completely jarred for the second time today.
"Fine. I feel alright, though I need to start thinking about grad-school programs. How about you? I saw you listed Macalester on your profile. What do you study?"
"Sociology," Gabe replies, with a pride betrayed by the curl of his lips.
Red flag, equivalent to saying that he sees Patrick Bateman as a role model. I have yet to meet a white, male sociology major who doesn't conceal unnecessary oppositional behavior and an unearned sense of superiority under a self-serving gild of socialism.
There's an urge to ask Gabe more about his interests within the field to save some time, but before I can, he touches my elbow and steps towards the entrance to a trail. "C'mon, I want to experience this with you." Hmm. Odd, but it works. The effortless-sounding invitation, combined with his arching eyebrows and anything-but-inauthentic smile, begrudgingly encourages me to suspend my burgeoning annoyance for a minute.
Gabe's discovered "nicest walk" covers part of the garden that I'm unfamiliar with -- a pleasant surprise -- but his source must've been trending or something. A convoy of athletic-wear families is also marching into the heart of darkness, forcing us to recalibrate our stride every few paces to avoid crowding. Gabe moves with the ease and confidence of someone who never feels threatened by their environment, just like the guys in this TikTok describe how they masturbate before going on dates so they can bring "post-nut clarity." That's the vibe Gabe emits as we enter the Mark "Puck" Salling Memorial Landscape Garden. He kneels a moment to look down at a meadow sage called "Violet Profusion," then immediately stands back up and fires away:
"Do you like tattoos?"
"Depends, but I'm usually here for it."
"Are you vegan?"
"Uh, no, but I feel like I should be."
"Do you like brunch?"
"Sure."
"What about art?"
"I'm an art history major."
"How about wine?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Astrology?"
"I mean, it's fun, sometimes."
"Writer?"
"What?"
"How about environmentalism?"
"Yea, I'm for environmentalism. What are you getting at?"
"And Mental Health Awareness?"
What the fuck.
"Do I like Mental Health Awareness? What kind of question is that?"
"What about vlogging?"
He hasn't blinked or looked away this whole time. I feel the urge to push him into something thorny.
"Do you like Netflix?"
"Gabe, what is this?"
He smiles and brushes his hair to the side as if that's enough of an answer. We're still walking. The crunching gravel masks my nervously grinding teeth. I snap: "No, seriously, what was that all about?"
A moment crawls by before his facial expression changes. In that instant, the smile disappears, and his shoulders hunch. Gabe's now grabbing his upper left bicep with his right hand.
"I… I'm just trying to get to know your passions."
"That is not how you get to know somebody. Do other people you meet up with respond well to being interrogated?" I can't tell if I meant that as a rhetorical question.
"Yes."
I release an exasperated sigh and look around to see if anybody heard me raise my voice. We're in the water gardens, and the Lululemon caravan has been thinning. Stragglers probably see us and wonder why I'm so difficult with this attractive man (boy?) asking me questions. Am I just hungry? Taking a mental step back, I see that my embarrassment over Gabe's questioning stems from how awkward it must have looked, and felt, from a stranger's perspective. Even so, why do I care? I fantasized that I would be intrigued by getting to know Gabe instead of finding him grating. That "He's the one!" feeling starts to slip away.
Tiredness slowly fills my thoughts, and I begin to feel the urge to check the time. He looks as confused as I am but lacks the frustration. Have I been asking him enough questions? Comparatively, no, but I mistake a lack of quantity for an absence of effort. I inhale and think a moment for a question that would get him talking.
I smile as I remember an international relations seminar prompt. "Hmm… Should I care how many medals my country wins at the Olympics?"
Gabe's eyes widen, and he looks at me excitedly, with a trace of nervousness: "Ah, good question! Yeah wow. How many medals… Hmm… Yeah, that's a good question because my response needs to reflect my thoughts on if I place value on whether my country has good hand-eye coordination. Yeah, like, do medals matter? Do the feelings I have towards whether my country wins or loses compared to other countries of greater and lesser size? Wow. Like, obviously, I would need to say whether I think the Olympics are a good idea in the first place or whether it's just another type of oppression where strong states shore up soft power against the less developed. But wow, that's an excellent question! Thank you for asking it, Katie."
I squint at him and clench my teeth, frustrated that he thought his deconstruction would mask that he said nothing.
"You didn't answer my question."
Gabe slides his hands out from his back pockets and raises them as he shrugs his shoulders, all the while giving a stupid grin.
"Ha no, I -- I did! It was a really good question-- feels like something my professor would ask me."
His empty flattery lights a deep burn in me that's been melting participation trophies since childhood. I push onwards.
"Alright, fine. Let’s try this: do you think caricature is an act of aggression?" I steal this one from a New Yorker article. Gabe should be able to relate this to his sociology lectures or something. Can he even think for himself?
"Wow! Two for two! Heating up! Ha um… Well, what is a caricature? What is the intent behind a caricature? Yeah, dang, I really don't know what to say. I guess I would need to start out by thinking about my experiences…" He starts to rapidly tap his index finger against his thumb and looks to become more disoriented with each step forward. "… and man, then I would need to contextualize aggression here too, but that would first require me to determine whether I want to approach this question objectively or subjectively, and the value of either approach…"
We're now in the Lunar Evaluation Garden, whatever that means. The sun has almost reached the top of the tree line, which cast seductive shadows over the quiet, Eden-like meadow. The trail looks empty in both directions. Where did everyone go? My heart races but becomes quickly subdued by Gabe's continued waste of air.
"So yeah, but even with that logic -- you ask outstanding questions by the way -- it would necessitate that --"
"Okay. Enough." His still-tapping fingers could be mistaken for cicadas. Watching him squirm prompts a feeling of entertainment that quickly slips into boredom, if not for my power to further make Gabe cringe. "Do you think reparations are a form of punishment?"
What looks to be a spark shoots out of his ear. Gabe stiffens his posture as he starts to blink rapidly: a nervous statue.
"Oof wow uh, well, hmm uh, uh, let's see. Reparations, um, relative term? Aha ah um, war reparations? Article 231 -- Treaty of Versailles. But. Reparations are not a punishment? Dang, uh, ah, I can't, can't find any empirical data that lets me make that arg-"
I cut him off by delivering the coup de grâce: an admissions question from the All Souls Fellowship that I've been eyeing all year.
"Gabe, do you think that the moral character of an orgy changes if its participants are wearing Nazi uniforms?"
His hair bursts into flames. I take a step back to avoid the heat. The blinking turns into fluttering, and what looks like windshield wiper fluid starts to trickle from his nose and mouth. A slack look of incredulity calcifies over Gabe's now fallen angelic face. One of his shirt sleeves becomes lit from the stream of sparks shooting from his ears, and the stench reminds me of hands that had to grip a sweaty, stainless steel doorknob.
Gabe's head straightens and his jaw unhinges. Slowly, his face tilts upwards. His eyes dart open and out pour crackling beams of turquoise light to the sky.
I slip off my shoe and tap out some gravel. Through the buzzing energy, I make out what sounds like another human voice coming from inside Gabe's throat. The transmission gets louder with each passing moment.
"…this complete asshole is co-opting our vertical. She's on the special promotion path and thinks she can speak directly for the client. What a bitch."
"Dude, what? That blows. Is she going to be your new career manager?"
"Yeah, there goes my promotion for the winter cycle. That's not gonna look good in the HBS alumni mag."
The voices are uncomfortably loud. They are anonymous and threatening enough to conjure the image of two tall, generic white males at a bar who convince you that no, you haven't had enough to drink; have one more shot and we'll drive you home.
"If I don’t get promoted, I'm going to let AWS poach me."
They both laugh. The first voice speaks, suddenly serious-- the fear for the future of his resume resonates in his tone. "But for real, I appreciate you coming over. We gotta troubleshoot this instance where both audio and visual sensors are down."
"I bet it's the Curiosity API."
"That's what I'm thinking: it looks like all systems were running smoothly until the GABRIEL UNIT v.1.7 executed passions_exfil.py."
"Let's see what went down."
Silence. I suppress the desire to put my hand in Gabe's energy beams.
"Ah yeah. Classic. Starting at this node, we can see that she didn't let the Unit finish aggregating her passions, either because she wasn't responsive or because her passions weren't catalogable. Extending from this node and along this edge here--" I hear a finger aggressively tapping a screen "--we see that the Unit's recovery becomes less than two percent once the curiosity API got wrecked by her questions."
"Damn. A whole Unit out of commission after only being engaged for half of a two-hour instance."
"Yeah dude. Can you imagine the kind of girl that could do this? Especially after the tests we ran?"
They both laugh with a shared fondness and misogyny present only in mutually insidious male memories.
"No kidding. Like why go on a date in the first place if…"
I turn away, not caring to hear the rest of this conversation. There's a waterfall garden on the other side of a Japanese wooden bridge and loons floating along with some koi. For a moment, it's beautiful, but the tech-bro laughter triggers another head and stomach ache.
I just want to lie down and scroll.
The periwinkle sky entertains me throughout my walk home. There’s a nagging sense as I approach my front door that I wasted another day looking for external validation instead of doing something constructive, like journaling or grad-school research. I'm annoyed that my indifference isn't strong enough to repress that feeling of inadequacy. I jump up the porch steps and fling open the front door, unsurprised that it remained unlocked. Mom and Dad stayed in the same position as when I left, but the coffee has been replaced by Heineken. They look up at me over their reading glasses when the door slams into the stopper.
"Hey sweetie, how was the date?"
“Yeah!” My Dad cuts in, grinning. “Do we get to meet the lucky guy?”
I try to conceal the surprise I feel at receiving their attention, but a soft smile escapes. The image of Gabe’s gaping mouth shooting energy beams flashes before my mind. Beyond the dining room table, I glimpse the stairs to my bedroom.
"Oh, probably not. He was left troubleshooting in the garden.
submitted by b_e_powers to shortstories [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 21:44 OnyxJuvie Online dating apps, am i doing something wrong?

I never get likes or matches on apps like Tinder or POF. I'm 22 and when i do get a match, conversations die like a lead balloon although trying to show some personality and charisma.
I have a bio, profile pics.etc it just feels like i'm swiping and talking to the void. Now i'm not necessarily after a relationship but just feel like online dating apps are a brick wall.
submitted by OnyxJuvie to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 21:39 emanresu000000 Ranting about online dating issues

I’m a private person. I don’t feel the need to share my whole life with the internet. I have social media apps but I rarely post anything. I prefer to keep my web presence under my name and face professional for the most part.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I’m ready to date again. BUT dating apps are soo invasive to me. They want 15 pics, my job title and company, college AND high school, hometown, blood type etc.
I don’t live in a big city like LA or NYC, if I did maybe I would feel more comfortable. It is easy to match with or see someone who knows or dated your ex. Or your coworker, or a prospective employer. Or a relative of a relative. And a lot of people I know, and people on the internet, take screenshots of profiles and gossip. A miscommunication can lead to a screenshot that could ruin your life. I can’t rock with that.
There are apps that are more private for fringe groups, I’m not interested in fringe. I believe I am a normal mid 20s woman. I don’t mind texting, but I’d rather call a guy or FaceTime him for hours. I would rather do a 20-30s meetup than a dating app if it wasn’t 2020. These dating apps encourage chatting through their platform. I feel like I’m playing a game when I’m on hinge or tinder. CMB is the best for serious dating but there seems to be a small number of users in my area.
Is there a popular app for people who are looking to meet new people that isn’t about the best profile. That doesn’t ask you to put all your business out for people to flip through, screenshot and post online or worse save for whatever.
App developers: please do a dating app that is anti swipe like CMB and takes discussion starters from hinge and forwards messages to your cellphone number so you don’t need to be logged in. I wouldn’t mind watching a 30 sec ad every hour.
submitted by emanresu000000 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 21:20 Professional-Elk8004 New user, I'm convinced I'm shadowbanned

I've only got 3 likes in 2 days. And I'm a new user, so I should supposedly be getting a boost. I also signed up to Tinder gold and activated my 30 minute boost and still received no likes.
I'm not ugly, I'm about a 6 or 7, and I've only used two pictures and my bio is pretty basic. So I most certainly don't expect to be getting a hundred likes a day. But this is ridiculous.
When I first signed up, I used the passport feature first, (I also used the setting to only show my profile to girls I liked at first, but I changed it soon after). I also spammed right twice, maybe for 20 seconds at a time, but when I read that this hurts your elo, I didn't do it again. I got 3 likes after that but no more.
So does anyone have any advice? Is shadowbanning real? Everyone says something different. If it is, it's disgusting, dishonest, and illegal, because tinder is not providing the service I paid for.
submitted by Professional-Elk8004 to SwipeHelper [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 21:08 Boomy2Hard Help!

I’ve tried multiple dating sites and still nothing, well at least not anything solid or real. I’ve been on tinder a while. Only got likes and matches for about the first 2wks of signing up the nothing.
I’ve tried Bumble & Hinge both kinda weird but nonetheless I still had no hits. As well as OKcupid Which I’ve had a little success on but nothing serious came from it.
Personally Ik I’m no Michael B Jordan but still.
Could it be my profile? Idk I’m a pretty big guy height wise n I usually come off as intimidating to most but I’m truly a teddy bear. Any suggestions?
submitted by Boomy2Hard to OnlineDating [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 20:44 Anomalina_ U can call this a rant-cum-request maybe 🤷🏻

Oh hello "big boys" , Just scrolling here and seeing that the highlight of some people day is the possibility of seeing chicks failing on tinder. All I see is a circus of 24/7 wannabe internet roaster man pretending that their inability to get dates and get laid is because A) they have high standards B) tinder is filled with "karens" and "nibbis" (personally idk wht that even means lol).
You all have a solid self esteem made of iron 🖐🏻🖐🏻no doubt otherwise why would you all be tearing up a profile bit by bit.. Why would you feel the urge to write "didi" on every damn comment.. on a non sarcastic note.. u gotta chill with the usage of didi.. It has become too mainstream now and I hate the fact that writing "bhaiya ji" doesn't gives me the same level of satisfaction 🙀 because I would rather choose not to be part of this childish didi bhaiya thingy.. Who the hell made it a cool thing to say anyways, I would rather choose to find those condescending monkeys and drop them off in an ocean full of sharks😑
Is it wrong to expect general decency these days 🤢 what irked me the most were the guys posting abusive comments for those lame profiles . Like what the hell even if that profile is lame and deserves a honorable mention here at least be a little decent . Why do you feel the need to abuse a person u don't even know.
I humbly request all the big bad meanies out there to make this subreddit a little more sensible and sweeter place 🌈🌈🌈 by becoming sweet little beacons of light 🍩🌠. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Banned status : check

Essay disguised as ted talk : double check

Bulletproof jacket : check

Ready for the upcoming onslaught : double check (not really 🙈)

I am not even on tinder, I was too bored and came across this subreddit I confess 😹
submitted by Anomalina_ to Indiangirlsontinder [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 20:38 Agitated_Pop_1730 AITB for ditching a tinder date after she looked nothing like her profile?

I matched with a girl on tinder and she looked fairly cute, and we had some similar interests. We talked for like 2 days and we met up. I saw some massive land whale walk in, she looked nothing like the girl in the pics and she asked if I was Dan. I said no and I walked out.
Idk if the girl used someone else's photos, those photos were old, or edited or something but it was so misleading. The girl in the photos looked like she worked out a lot and was super fit, the girl that walked over must've weighed 50 kilos more than the girl in the pics. I felt so lied to and yeah i don't find super fat girls attractive, you might call me an asshole but I just don't, im sorry. If I was massively overweight i wouldn't get that many matches either.
Anyways she was texting and calling me asking me where I was. I said "listen, i ditched you because you are not the person you portrayed yourself as in the photos, i'm pissed you lied to me. goodbye"
She then went off about how im fatphobic or something. I never mentioned her being fat, so that just makes me even more sure that she was fatfishing me, that she purposely portrayed herself as not being fat.

EDIT: Sorry for the original abomination of a post, massive fail while copy pasting. I am fixing it now
EDIT: I feel kind of guilty for using terms like "land whale" and i will refrain from doing so.
submitted by Agitated_Pop_1730 to AmItheButtface [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 19:38 PalmTreePhilosophy Is Pinterest meant to be a smut-free zone?

I ask because someone just followed me who has a pervy link in their profile (basically 'get sex here' - looks like a pervy Russian Tinder). This person is NOT as far as I can see, posting any images related to sex and is not actively promoting anything (unless 'following' is considered promoting). Just curious.
I would like to point out that I am not a prude. It's just not something I have seen on Pinterest before.
submitted by PalmTreePhilosophy to Pinterest [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 19:17 mohammad311 How to insert a Tinder format?

I have a project due and I am supposed to make a fake tinder profile and chat. How do I do this?
submitted by mohammad311 to Weebly [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 18:59 911BigDick Banned from tinder again

I’ve been banned from tinder one time before and it was easily worked around by getting a new sim and registering.
Two days ago i got a new phone. Tinder immediately bans my account when i tried logging in on new phone. I tried getting a new sim on an old throwaway phone with new apple ID. Tinder immediately bans the new sim
I realize that IP-address might be an issue.
Im considering whether i should get a new sim and try to log in using phone nr onthe browser on work pc.
Any other possible workarounds that you guys see? I ideally want to use the app on my phone in web mode, it might work to log in on there with the profile i make on my work pc?
Do you guys see any other solutions?
submitted by 911BigDick to SwipeHelper [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 18:46 b_e_powers otp

"otp" by B. E. Powers
The freeze in the TikTok feed jarred by the incoming call slowly registers through my numbed retinas. I don't remember where or when the feed began -- honestly, I don't remember lying down in bed. For a split second between transitioning screens, before the incoming Constellation ringtone breaks the hard-earned stillness of my room, I wonder what force could possess the strength to shatter my box of mirrors. Box of mirrors feels inadequate, though, as I see nothing resembling my form between scrolls. Well, I don't think I have.
The evidence I'm on Tik Tok and wasn't pushing hours ten, eleven, and twelve of sleep is found in a mosaic of videos I drop in various group chats when I don't want to contribute words but desire to make my presence known. Mostly recipes I'll never make and compilations of dogs before and after they're called a "good boy," with the occasional dancing influencer jock in a Netflix YA dramedy, who I later find out moonlights as an actual high school sophomore.
Without the saved collection, I'm incapable of recalling much of anything I consume during these scrolls-to-oblivion. At least these lapses breathe some honesty into the daily call-and-receive ritual I conduct with the parents, where they eagerly ask, "Any plans for the rest of summer break?" and I reply, eyes dilating in sync with the gaping breadth of the void, "Not really."
The involuntary transformation, mid-scroll, from the white family of four humble-flexing their McMansion on top of a Jersey-club beat to the anonymous yet affronting call screen upsets my scroll-induced serotonin drip. No name, just a number calmly presenting itself at the top of the screen. I sigh through my teeth and move towards pressing red, but something about the area code makes me pause, even as the pull of the TikTok feed screams at me for attention.
For the first time since waking up, I roll onto my back and disrupt my eternal content-consuming position. I press the green dot and pull the phone to my ear as I stare beyond the ceiling fan. From my starchy mouth and dry tongue stumbles out: "mmph hello?"
"Hey Katie! It's Gabe, just calling to see if we're still good to meet up at the botanic garden at four".
Oh, shit. Gabe, botanic garden, 4:00 PM, vaguely familiar number… the swipe right, and the harmlessly seductive late-night messages -- then texts -- from forty-eight hours ago that set this all up. Fuck it, I'm on the spot now. I clear my throat and commit:
"Hey! Gabe! Yeah! Of course I'm still down. Meet you at the entrance pavilion near the map stand?" Jesus, I sound stupid.
"Alright, sounds good. See you in an hour."
"Yeah, see you soon."
The call disconnects and I exhale. "Fuck," I mutter under my breath.
I tap my phone's screen, and the time 3:05 PM glows down at me. Best case scenario, I'm only ten minutes late.
I slowly roll over onto my right side when FaceID unlocks the phone. A video begins of some teens calling an obese bike cop dummy thicc, and it pushes me across the event horizon and once more into the scroll's black hole. Each video's auto-start drags me further into the abyss: I am no longer conscious of the consumed content as the sounds and images change with each flick of the thumb. I don't feel the box of mirrors constrict, but my user-behavior will direct the algorithm to only feed me clips with the same slowed + reverb music, docile suburban setting, and white teens with golden retrievers.
Through the assault of content, I'm unable to shake the imminence of Gabe's phone call. The vibe is ruined. Ten minutes after our call and for the first time today, my legs slide out from under the comforter and hang over the bed.
Phone in hand, I beeline for the bathroom and start to assess my image rehabilitation. There's no time for a shower and its hair-induced labor, so I select the Deluxe Edition of "Running Late for 8:00 AM Sociology of Religion" Morning Routine. I brush my teeth, spray on dry shampoo then perfume, and throw on a sundress. I apply tinted sunscreen and mascara, coronating myself with aesthetic plausible deniability.
The bathroom door trails shut behind me as I grab my bag and head for the stairs, catching myself smoothing out the wrinkles in the dress. As I descend, two steps at a time, the resentment held to the interrupting phone call slowly becomes reluctant. This date, this guy, could break a month's worth of boredom.
As I turn the corner, the phrase "increasing deductible" burrows into my ear. I spy my parents' sanity under siege in the dining room from tri-folded bills and coffee-stained printer paper. Not even the summertime weekend wear can hold together their composed impression, for the cemented strained expressions, laptop chargers, and my Dad's pitted undershirt betray the length at which they've been reconciling finances. As I move along the table and towards the door, they look up from their screens, which are oriented at just the right angle for one to correct the other's QuickBooks input. We lock eyes, and I expect to fall victim to the usual inquisition, but it's just a passing moment. Mom and Dad blink and go back to Aetna as I open the door. I call out to the void for them to lock it as I step out into the sun, a little disappointed that they didn't show any interest in where I was off to.
The early afternoon's dead summer heat has yet to subside. My makeup's protective barrier slips away with each step closer to the garden, as realized by a sweat-check dab to my upper lip. I minimize all facial movements to disrupt my aesthetic as little as possible, but it's an exercise in futility. Heraclitus got it wrong: the only constant in life is decay.
I reach a stride and feel the selective sense of tranquility that arises when thinking about nothing: when the mind's sole purpose returns to processing the photos captured through your retinas. I think I see a dahlia in the parkway when -- DING -- a notification alert slices through the humming Midwest suburb. Thinking that it's Gabe telling me he's canceling, I draw the phone from my bag quicker than I unholster my tactical repression while flirting at a party. It takes a moment for the screen's auto-brightness to catch up with the sun's glare, but the grease and sweat covered glass slowly gets bright enough to reveal the availability of my weekly Screen Time Report. A loud exhale flares out of my nostrils as I silently curse Apple for inducing hyperhidrosis. I tap again to check the figures: "Your screen time was down 2% last week, for an average of 11 hours, 46 minutes a day." Jesus. Well, might as well make it even. I swipe the notification away and open Tinder to review the matches that came in last night. The desperate, dirty midnight dregs.
I'm wearily putting my phone away as I notice the humble opening to the botanic garden's entrance pathway: a gap in a hedge-wall with two stone engravings on either side, one of which reads "Welcome to the Lake County Botanic Garden," and the other, "A Generous Gift of ExxonMobil and the Tillerson Foundation." The hypocrisy makes me cringe harder than Snapchat HBO Max ads, the ones that ruin banger songs by association and blast taglines like "We're feeling all the vibes." Forming that realization prompts me to open Snapchat, and give myself one last lookover before the pathway's hedges swallow me whole. There's a sliding bead of sweat on my temple, but I look fresher than I feel. I check the time, and it reads 4:03. Ah, nice. Feeling good, I plunge into the garden.
From the pathway, I emerge onto the Sackler Family Entrance Pavilion and cast my eyes over the few bodies that hold water bottles and lean up against strollers, chatting away. On the other side of the rubber-tiled pavilion, leaning up against the map stand with his hands behind his back, I spy the person I hope to be Gabe.
We meet each other's eyes with the acknowledgment of a read receipt. As I walk towards him and he straightens up to receive me, I silently pride myself in choosing a date who is both above-average in looks and below the standard deviation of online profile deception. Average enough in height, dress, and build to be non-threatening, but with an air about him that reassured me this date would not be a waste of time. A theater kid who works out.
He gracefully pushes himself off the map stand while I exhale and let out a sharp "Hey."
"Hey, Katie. Sunflowers for the occasion I see." He's staring at my dress, grinning.
What? Feeling all sorts of annoyed, I look down and scowl. I am on a date, at a botanical garden, wearing a sunflower sundress. I recover.
"Haha, oh yeah."
"You look very nice."
"Thanks." I smile.
He has a smoothness to his voice that makes me feel at ease but is also lacking in the usual emotions of the first encounter on a first date-- nervousness, excitement, sexual tension.
"Do you come here often?"
"No," he replies, "But Google suggests that this is the nicest walk for us to go on within a 30 minute and 10-mile radius."
I pause, waiting for him to ask if I'd been here before or if I lived close by. Instead, Gabe blinks twice before smiling and asks, "Are you in school?"
"Yea. I head back in three weeks. My Dad is driving me and we're stopping on the way to visit my aunt. We've been doing this for the past three years."
I haven't even finished the word "years" when he cuts in -- more forcedly than graceful -- with, "How do you feel about going back?"
We're still standing at the entrance to the gardens, our immobility awkward next to the rest of the visitors walking by us, setting off for the trails. Hoping to set us on our way, I opt for an obfuscated response that conceals my annoyance at being completely jarred for the second time today.
"Fine. I feel alright, though I need to start thinking about grad-school programs. How about you? I saw you listed Macalester on your profile. What do you study?"
"Sociology," Gabe replies, with a pride betrayed by the curl of his lips.
Red flag, equivalent to saying that he sees Patrick Bateman as a role model. I have yet to meet a white, male sociology major who doesn't conceal unnecessary oppositional behavior and an unearned sense of superiority under a self-serving gild of socialism.
There's an urge to ask Gabe more about his interests within the field to save some time, but before I can, he touches my elbow and steps towards the entrance to a trail. "C'mon, I want to experience this with you." Hmm. Odd, but it works. The effortless-sounding invitation, combined with his arching eyebrows and anything-but-inauthentic smile, begrudgingly encourages me to suspend my burgeoning annoyance for a minute.
Gabe's discovered "nicest walk" covers part of the garden that I'm unfamiliar with -- a pleasant surprise -- but his source must've been trending or something. A convoy of athletic-wear families is also marching into the heart of darkness, forcing us to recalibrate our stride every few paces to avoid crowding. Gabe moves with the ease and confidence of someone who never feels threatened by their environment, just like the guys in this TikTok describe how they masturbate before going on dates so they can bring "post-nut clarity." That's the vibe Gabe emits as we enter the Mark "Puck" Salling Memorial Landscape Garden. He kneels a moment to look down at a meadow sage called "Violet Profusion," then immediately stands back up and fires away:
"Do you like tattoos?"
"Depends, but I'm usually here for it."
"Are you vegan?"
"Uh, no, but I feel like I should be."
"Do you like brunch?"
"Sure."
"What about art?"
"I'm an art history major."
"How about wine?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Astrology?"
"I mean, it's fun, sometimes."
"Writer?"
"What?"
"How about environmentalism?"
"Yea, I'm for environmentalism. What are you getting at?"
"And Mental Health Awareness?"
What the fuck.
"Do I like Mental Health Awareness? What kind of question is that?"
"What about vlogging?"
He hasn't blinked or looked away this whole time. I feel the urge to push him into something thorny.
"Do you like Netflix?"
"Gabe, what is this?"
He smiles and brushes his hair to the side as if that's enough of an answer. We're still walking. The crunching gravel masks my nervously grinding teeth. I snap: "No, seriously, what was that all about?"
A moment crawls by before his facial expression changes. In that instant, the smile disappears, and his shoulders hunch. Gabe's now grabbing his upper left bicep with his right hand.
"I… I'm just trying to get to know your passions."
"That is not how you get to know somebody. Do other people you meet up with respond well to being interrogated?" I can't tell if I meant that as a rhetorical question.
"Yes."
I release an exasperated sigh and look around to see if anybody heard me raise my voice. We're in the water gardens, and the Lululemon caravan has been thinning. Stragglers probably see us and wonder why I'm so difficult with this attractive man (boy?) asking me questions. Am I just hungry? Taking a mental step back, I see that my embarrassment over Gabe's questioning stems from how awkward it must have looked, and felt, from a stranger's perspective. Even so, why do I care? I fantasized that I would be intrigued by getting to know Gabe instead of finding him grating. That "He's the one!" feeling starts to slip away.
Tiredness slowly fills my thoughts, and I begin to feel the urge to check the time. He looks as confused as I am but lacks the frustration. Have I been asking him enough questions? Comparatively, no, but I mistake a lack of quantity for an absence of effort. I inhale and think a moment for a question that would get him talking.
I smile as I remember an international relations seminar prompt. "Hmm… Should I care how many medals my country wins at the Olympics?"
Gabe's eyes widen, and he looks at me excitedly, with a trace of nervousness: "Ah, good question! Yeah wow. How many medals… Hmm… Yeah, that's a good question because my response needs to reflect my thoughts on if I place value on whether my country has good hand-eye coordination. Yeah, like, do medals matter? Do the feelings I have towards whether my country wins or loses compared to other countries of greater and lesser size? Wow. Like, obviously, I would need to say whether I think the Olympics are a good idea in the first place or whether it's just another type of oppression where strong states shore up soft power against the less developed. But wow, that's an excellent question! Thank you for asking it, Katie."
I squint at him and clench my teeth, frustrated that he thought his deconstruction would mask that he said nothing.
"You didn't answer my question."
Gabe slides his hands out from his back pockets and raises them as he shrugs his shoulders, all the while giving a stupid grin.
"Ha no, I -- I did! It was a really good question-- feels like something my professor would ask me."
His empty flattery lights a deep burn in me that's been melting participation trophies since childhood. I push onwards.
"Alright, fine. Let’s try this: do you think caricature is an act of aggression?" I steal this one from a New Yorker article. Gabe should be able to relate this to his sociology lectures or something. Can he even think for himself?
"Wow! Two for two! Heating up! Ha um… Well, what is a caricature? What is the intent behind a caricature? Yeah, dang, I really don't know what to say. I guess I would need to start out by thinking about my experiences…" He starts to rapidly tap his index finger against his thumb and looks to become more disoriented with each step forward. "… and man, then I would need to contextualize aggression here too, but that would first require me to determine whether I want to approach this question objectively or subjectively, and the value of either approach…"
We're now in the Lunar Evaluation Garden, whatever that means. The sun has almost reached the top of the tree line, which cast seductive shadows over the quiet, Eden-like meadow. The trail looks empty in both directions. Where did everyone go? My heart races but becomes quickly subdued by Gabe's continued waste of air.
"So yeah, but even with that logic -- you ask outstanding questions by the way -- it would necessitate that --"
"Okay. Enough." His still-tapping fingers could be mistaken for cicadas. Watching him squirm prompts a feeling of entertainment that quickly slips into boredom, if not for my power to further make Gabe cringe. "Do you think reparations are a form of punishment?"
What looks to be a spark shoots out of his ear. Gabe stiffens his posture as he starts to blink rapidly: a nervous statue.
"Oof wow uh, well, hmm uh, uh, let's see. Reparations, um, relative term? Aha ah um, war reparations? Article 231 -- Treaty of Versailles. But. Reparations are not a punishment? Dang, uh, ah, I can't, can't find any empirical data that lets me make that arg-"
I cut him off by delivering the coup de grâce: an admissions question from the All Souls Fellowship that I've been eyeing all year.
"Gabe, do you think that the moral character of an orgy changes if its participants are wearing Nazi uniforms?"
His hair bursts into flames. I take a step back to avoid the heat. The blinking turns into fluttering, and what looks like windshield wiper fluid starts to trickle from his nose and mouth. A slack look of incredulity calcifies over Gabe's now fallen angelic face. One of his shirt sleeves becomes lit from the stream of sparks shooting from his ears, and the stench reminds me of hands that had to grip a sweaty, stainless steel doorknob.
Gabe's head straightens and his jaw unhinges. Slowly, his face tilts upwards. His eyes dart open and out pour crackling beams of turquoise light to the sky.
I slip off my shoe and tap out some gravel. Through the buzzing energy, I make out what sounds like another human voice coming from inside Gabe's throat. The transmission gets louder with each passing moment.
"…this complete asshole is co-opting our vertical. She's on the special promotion path and thinks she can speak directly for the client. What a bitch."
"Dude, what? That blows. Is she going to be your new career manager?"
"Yeah, there goes my promotion for the winter cycle. That's not gonna look good in the HBS alumni mag."
The voices are uncomfortably loud. They are anonymous and threatening enough to conjure the image of two tall, generic white males at a bar who convince you that no, you haven't had enough to drink; have one more shot and we'll drive you home.
"If I don’t get promoted, I'm going to let AWS poach me."
They both laugh. The first voice speaks, suddenly serious-- the fear for the future of his resume resonates in his tone. "But for real, I appreciate you coming over. We gotta troubleshoot this instance where both audio and visual sensors are down."
"I bet it's the Curiosity API."
"That's what I'm thinking: it looks like all systems were running smoothly until the GABRIEL UNIT v.1.7 executed passions_exfil.py."
"Let's see what went down."
Silence. I suppress the desire to put my hand in Gabe's energy beams.
"Ah yeah. Classic. Starting at this node, we can see that she didn't let the Unit finish aggregating her passions, either because she wasn't responsive or because her passions weren't catalogable. Extending from this node and along this edge here--" I hear a finger aggressively tapping a screen "--we see that the Unit's recovery becomes less than two percent once the curiosity API got wrecked by her questions."
"Damn. A whole Unit out of commission after only being engaged for half of a two-hour instance."
"Yeah dude. Can you imagine the kind of girl that could do this? Especially after the tests we ran?"
They both laugh with a shared fondness and misogyny present only in mutually insidious male memories.
"No kidding. Like why go on a date in the first place if…"
I turn away, not caring to hear the rest of this conversation. There's a waterfall garden on the other side of a Japanese wooden bridge and loons floating along with some koi. For a moment, it's beautiful, but the tech-bro laughter triggers another head and stomach ache.


I just want to lie down and scroll.


The periwinkle sky entertains me throughout my walk home. There’s a nagging sense as I approach the front door that I wasted another day looking for external validation instead of doing something constructive, like journaling or grad-school research. I'm annoyed that my indifference isn't strong enough to repress that feeling of inadequacy. I jump up the porch steps and fling open the front door, unsurprised that it remained unlocked. Mom and Dad stayed in the same position as when I left, but the coffee has been replaced by Heineken. They look up at me over their reading glasses when the door slams into the stopper.
"Hey sweetie, how was the date?"
“Yeah!” My Dad cuts in, grinning. “Do we get to meet the lucky guy?”
I try to conceal the surprise I feel at receiving their attention, but a soft smile escapes. The image of Gabe’s gaping mouth shooting energy beams flashes before my mind. Beyond the dining room table, I glimpse the stairs to my bedroom.
"Oh, probably not. He was left troubleshooting in the garden."
submitted by b_e_powers to stories [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 18:15 Altruistic_Article93 Need advice on what to do

Hi so me and my SO have been together for the past 3 months. The first month was fun besides the face that she broke up with me twice. The first time was because I said some homophobic things and she didn't like that but we talked about it and got over it. The second time was at the end of the month where I left for college and she got mad at because I said she looked better with make up on. For the first month I was at college, I was miserable thinking about not being with her, and I always thought about her. At the end of that month 15 days before I was going back home to see her, I messaged her and we realized that we both missed each other and that we agreed to be back together. For those 15 days, It was constant toxicity where she would take long time to respond to my messages, break snapchat streaks, and post stories of other guys. We FaceTime and snapchatted a few times and that was good because she showed how much she missed me but she was not being consistent with snapchat and facetiming like I was. The day before I came back which was Saturday , I snapped her that I was coming back on Sunday as a surprise because she thought I was coming back the next Thursday. When I got home I texted her right away asking if I can pick her up at 5 thinking she would be excited to see me being she was my girlfriend. Instead she blew me off and said lets hang out Thursday. I also went on tinder to see if she had a profile and I noticed that not only did she have a profile but she updated it with a picture she took on that Sunday night. After seeing that I started matching on tinder, and eventually set plans for the next day to meet with a tinder girl. The next day came and I was still hesitant but I saw my girlfriends post a story with some random guy with a chain and I was so mad because I was home and she was spending time with other guys but not me but I did not think to much of it since I trusted her. I did end up cheating on her but the whole time with the other girl was not as fun and good as my SO and I knew that my SO was special and I felt special when I was with her. When I saw my SO Thursday, our date was amazing and I realized that I felt special around her and I do not want to be with anyone else and she felt the same way. That was good but the next time we hungout she started being toxic again with her replying and she did not even reply to my last message before we hungout and it was the day of my birthday. So i picked her up on my birthday and I when she got in the car, she actually told me she forgot and I was really let down. Besides that, the day was really fun and awesome until we started talking about what we did over our break when I was at college. So in that first month where I was at college she apparently was with 6 different guys through tinder and she said she only did it to get over me and feel better since we were broken up and I was fine with that since I did the same thing with one girl. But, on the day we texted each other we are back together, she posted a story of this guy and I thought nothing of it but apparently she got with him and she ended it with him so I was kind of okay with it but still kind of let down. She also knew I cheated on her with that tinder girl because she looked at my followers and figured it out. Because of this she posted a story of this guy with a chain the next day and I thought nothing of it but she actually made out with him. There was also one other time where she cheated a few days after we texted we would get back together because she thought I was cheating but it was kind of fair because I was trying to cheat too but since I am a guy its harder to do. So she cheated 3 times. After all this talk we realized that even though I slept with people and she did too, we both only want each other like I really only want to be with her and she said she only want to be with me. We talked about the response times and deleted all dating apps and I really do trust her because the first month when we were together none of us cheated either. I want to forgive her so bad because I know that it was long distance and it meant nothing to both of us and I know that we have something special, but I just cannot look at her the same way. Like the fact she forgot it was my birthday and the fact she put stories of the guys she cheated on me with just hurt me so much. She said she didn't know the responding thing would hurt me but she will do better and I think we can do better forward. I just want to forgot about that whole time period we were away from each other because I think it meant nothing but I just cannot. She even said that if she was in my position she would break up with her. It's just that she disrespected me so hard and showed no care sometimes with responding and the forgetting birthday thing. Should I forgive her and try to make it work? Or should I just end it because it is too much damage? I know I can do better and she even said it too but I want to stay with her if she can improve. I just don't know it it is even worth trying at this point. She also kept bringing up doing an open relationship which makes me think she has other guys she wants to be with. I know she has other options besides me but she says that none of them have an emotional connection like we do. I do not have other options besides her which is why I am so scared to break up but I feel like it is unhealthy for me to stay with her after what she did to me.
submitted by Altruistic_Article93 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 18:07 repurposedschleem A Taste of his Own Medicine!

Gather ‘round, ladies, as I spin a tale of wild scrotacity, delightful comedy, and a side of some tasty revenge.
This is a long one but the payoff is worth it, pinky promise. Also I’m on mobile so apologies for the formatting if it’s wonky.
✨ On to the show! ✨
Once upon a time, your freshly divorced from an abusive NVM protagonist (aka me) decided to dip her toes in the OLD world for the first time in her life, entirely for shits and giggles. You see, when I first started dating my now ex, no such apps existed. So, dear readers, I was a deer in the headlights wondering which of my 284282 cute pictures to choose for my profile and how to wittily respond to each (increasingly inane, honestly) prompt. I finally settled on something “okay enough” as this was only to be a lark.
First, I did not expect the complete inundation of “likes.” My abuser (not even good enough to be called an NVM), convinced me I was a chubby bridge troll only he could love. (Granted, I am what some might call “thicc” but I’m fit and working on being as lean as id personally like to be.) But I digress. The LIKES, ladies! Every Tom, Dick, and Harry this side of the Mississippi seemed to want to chat with me! So I began to peruse my options.
And I was unimpressed. Most were “no fat chicks” whilst displaying a spare tire or three, others were clearly on drugs, some were very up front about being married, but some...some were promising.
One in particular. Let’s call him Gene. That’s not his name, I’m just channeling my inner Golden Age Hollywood starlet while I spin this yarn and Gene Kelly was so handsome. And so was this man. Still vulnerable from the abuse, I was completely taken by this classically handsome man my age who loved cats, could apparently dress himself, and, of course, complimented the shit out of little old me. I liked the cut of his jib.
So, Gene was a decent conversationalist but seemed to fawn over me. It unnerved me, but I dismissed that as me having been beaten down by my ex to misconstrue attraction for lovebombing. We chatted for a week and he asked me out on a picnic date at a very nice park with an ocean view — our town is notable the world over for its natural beauty, so I thought it sounded charming!
And it was a very charming date. Gene was just as handsome in person, tall enough to make this 5’8” almost-Amazon feel more feminine, and had the kind of pleasantly deep voice a less skeptical me would have called “sonorous” or the more pedestrian “sexy.” I was absolutely smitten.
Things progressed and turned physical by date 3. (This was pre-FDS!) He was rather attentive and quite skilled. I thought I’d landed the jackpot.
Thought.
Soon, Gene brought up the idea of “an arrangement.” You see, he had a cuckold fetish but also wanted multiple partners for himself. So, he asked me to sleep with other men, and tell him about it, but only “date” him, though he let it slip he would keep dating “mildly.”
I wanted out immediately. But I decided that before I dipped, this could be a great opportunity for me. I used to write erotica as a young adult, so this was right up my alley. I hopped on the dating apps, pretending to be ig-model pretty and chose dates accordingly. I never slept with any of them. But I hardly ever paid for a meal the next five weeks! I told Gene very sordid stories he seemed to enjoy, when he wasn’t ignoring my texts, flaking, openly swiping on apps on “dates” with me when he could be bothered to show up, and other general shitty behavior that didn’t match him telling me I was the woman he was falling in love with.
I decided to up the ante and texted him a story about a rendezvous with a man who I dated in high school, one who organized my 18th birthday party and even coordinated a fire works display for the occasion! The story was true, but had happened closer to high school. Gene did not enjoy hearing this one. Not at all.
He was BEYOND jealous. He immediately accused me of cheating! That I had hurt him. How could I do that, considering what we have? Said he had wanted to move in with me, have me be the mother of his children, and all sorts of assorted...lies.
I couldn’t laugh at first; I was too flabbergasted by the sheer hypocrisy. You can flaunt your tinder in front of the woman you say you adore but I can’t hook up with a man who cared about me at one time?
He flaked one last time on plans he’d initiated, so I blocked him and laughed.
And I promptly started reading the handbook.
submitted by repurposedschleem to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]